A letter to my boys.

(Love that golden sun shining through tousled hair.)

     This particular season of motherhood has been rather long (translate; difficult, exhausting). The reality of that childhood dream of one day becoming a mother fell short of my little girl expectations. There are rainbows and butterflies to be sure, but they often seem to be hiding and therefore require energy (something I'm short on) to be seen.
     You two are a handful and mothering you can often feel isolating. There are many days when a trip to the grocery or store comes out of a dire necessity to escape this house. I admit that after naps I am always counting down until five o' clock when daddy comes home. Now, whether it's counting down the hours or the minutes depends entirely on how the morning went.
      Daddy is my mental, emotional, and physical strength to make it till bedtime. There are many days when I feel like running up to the back door just like the two of you. A plastered grin of relief on my face and his name a chant on my lips.

(They could swing all day. I do not blame them, I could too.)

     I think sometimes as young children it is hard to see/believe that your parents can struggle, but man, they do! This past year has been a lesson in faith and patience. God sure does give us more than we can handle, but he also promises never to leave or forsake us. I am a horrible parent apart from Christ. Living with, teaching, encouraging, and discipling little humans who are selfish, impatient and moody often seems impossible and weighty. Thank God I do not have to do it alone. 

(I call this the toddler grin... Uh oh Baby Wells.)

     When you are older and life seems to be closing in (or if you have little ones of your own) I pray you will know and remember this: "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us ... the Spirit helps us in our weakness ... if God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?" (Romans 8:18, 26a, 31a-32) 

("Faster, Daddy! Faster!"😂 )

     I know this is not the "happiest" entry, but I think I would be doing you a disservice if you never knew the real, honestly struggling mom. The mom that often questions her actions. The mom who constantly prays that you see Jesus in spite of her faults. The mom who is nothing apart from Christ.